Wednesday, April 7, 2010

so it turns out i'm allergic to the 1950's

once upon a time (read: time frame varies person to person) you were young.
you were rambunctious (guilty)
you thought it was okay to eat earthworms (don't judge me)
you were probably annoying the hell out of almost everyone you came into contact with (i never said i'd grow out of it)

but most of all, you were an innocent, unsuspecting little child whose life consisted of nothing but puppies and rainbows until BAM!

party's over, kid.

red, itchy bumps.

loads & loads of red, itchy bumps. they were red. they were itchy. and they were EVERYWHERE.

all of a sudden all of the puppies and the rainbows and yes, even the earthworms disappeared (i blame the witness protection program) and were replaced by long, torturous hours spent desperately trying to pry off the oven mitts that your parents duct-taped (all in the name of love, of course) onto your hands or soaking in giant, mucky oatmeal baths.

(not so bad, you say? tell that to 5-year-old kelly whose stomach would start doing summersaults at the mere MENTION of oatmeal)

those days have long since passed...


fast forward to now. and then rewind to about 2 months ago.

kelly wakes up.
kelly hits the snooze button.
repeat x6
kelly drags herself to the bathroom.
kelly looks in the mirror.
kelly looks like a blurry blob.
kelly yawns.
kelly stretches.
kelly puts in her contacts.
kelly looks in the mirror again.
kelly starts to reach for the WAIT A MINUTE WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!

short story short, kelly is covered in bumps. red, ugly little bumps. red, ugly little bumps that suddenly begin to ITCH.

fast forward through a steroid shot in the ass, obsessive application of a prescription face cream & the disposal of every moisturizer/shampoo/conditioner/yougetthepicture i had acquired over the past couple of months and all was well again.

or not.

repeat this x3. actually probably more like x4 or x5.

this is already too long so i'm going to cut to the chase because the whens/wheres/hows/whys don't really matter. what matters is that i'm allergic to pomade. yes, pomade.

definitely not joining this group

why this matters [read: why my dermatologist/this little allergy has RUINED MY LIFE]

exhibit a[ka what makes life worth living]

i am in utter despair over that which will now never be.

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